Chapter 2, Starting to Awaken
One of my early spiritual stirrings took place in 1973. I was in a novelty store in a large indoor shopping mall when I came across the Desiderata for the very first time. As I stood there in this garishly lit store reading those profound words of wisdom, a spark was ignited within me that burns to this day to know the truth about Spirit. (I use the word Spirit to mean God and all its hierarchy) The Desiderata talked about having a right to be on this earth and the freedom to view God as I would choose to. This entire document is just a little over 300 words and contains what I have found to be many universal truths and profound wisdom about all aspects of life. For many years the myth existed that the Desiderata was found in a church in Baltimore in 1692, author unknown. It was really written by a man named Max Ehrmann who lived from 1872 to 1945 and wrote and copyrighted it in 1927. Regardless of when he lived, no doubt the words of wisdom have impacted many. The words in the Desiderata got me thinking about what I was doing here on Earth. I mean, how did I get here, and where did I come from? Conventional Christian teachings I had been exposed to prior to reading the Desiderata would have me believe that life was a single go-around. Living only one lifetime and then going to either heaven or hell just never resonated with me! I couldn’t stop asking myself questions such as, “What kind of God would have a human being come into this world blind for example, and to experience a single life on Earth as a blind person, never even seeing this Earth?”
Up until that day in the mall, my main interest in spirituality had been usually confined to watching Hollywood's version of Christ through movies. I always admired and was quite fascinated with the Christ portrayed in these movies, but, again, the heaven or hell concept was the main thing that kept me from going to a church. I believe I watched every movie that Hollywood ever made about Christ several times over. The more I learned about Christ, the more he became my hero, and the more I wished that I could feel comfortable with the heaven or hell issue. But, I simply couldn't. I have to admit that I was also turned off in those days by many of the religious people that crossed my path, too. I found many of them to be judgmental and hypocritical, far from the loving person that Christ was portrayed as being in those movies I so fondly loved watching.
In the early-to-mid '70s I did try a Congregational church for about six months, which I considered to be a middle-of-the-road Protestant church. The church and minister were both short on fire and brimstone, but I didn't feel comfortable or the least bit inspired there. To me, it seemed as though many of the members of the church were just going through the motions of going to church. It was as if they were there because it was expected of them.
Shortly after trying the Congregational church I encountered a book that really accelerated my search for the truth about God and spirituality. I was involved in a long-term relationship with a woman in her early twenties who had an older, close relative, tell her a story in strictest confidence. This relative told her about being in a car accident and leaving her body — what is nowadays commonly called a near-death experience, or NDE. Now, you have to picture this older relative as a woman who was brought up very conservatively and lived and acted very conservatively. She was approximately twenty years older, a professional woman, and telling her story to the woman I was involved with because, as she told her, "I had to tell someone." When this older relative told her story, I hadn't come into the picture yet. There is a good chance that it wouldn't have been told if there had been a possibility that it might be shared.
She had been in a small car that was broadsided at an intersection, and she found herself floating above the car and watching the paramedics free her from it. She had some of the typical near-death experiences, such as seeing the bright light and being told it wasn't her time yet. When the story was related to me, I was fascinated and wanted to know more about what happened, but, since the story was told in confidence, that wasn't possible. I remember thinking to myself that both women were very sincere and honest and that nothing was gained by either one of them in the telling of this story. Could it be real?
My answer came very quickly. A few weeks after being told about this experience, I came across an excerpt of Dr. Raymond Moody's book Life After Life in Reader's Digest.
I was astounded, for here were the exact same things being described about people who had died but came back. I immediately went out and bought the book and couldn't read it fast enough. It was the mid '70s and I remember the feeling I had as I was reading this book. I had the distinct feeling that I was "remembering" how things really are. The book resonated with me and brought me a lot of peace of mind about death and my own mortality. In the years since reading Life After Life I have come across other books on this subject, and have met several people who have had NDEs. I've been totally convinced for many years now that the soul lives on after death, and that reincarnation has always been the reality.